2007-04-06

Go see "Grindhouse"

If you expect you'll enjoy "Grindhouse", you will.
If you have doubts, stay home with your wooby*.

Pee first. Don't chug your favorite beverage. Ration your popcorn and Raisinettes. For the majority of 3 hours and 11 minutes you will be entertained.

"Grindhouse" isn't two short movies and a collection of fake previews crammed into a feature length presentation. "Grindhouse" is two full-length movies with fake previews as the special sauce. There are actual flaws in these films, besides the intentional ones, but delving into them would be an artistic debate of epic proportions and there's little to no point in that. "Grindhouse" is fun and well worth the admission price.

I won't post any spoilers here, but I do have a handy viewers tip to share...

Provided that you haven't been grossed-out into running to the john during "Planet Terror" or the intermediate coming attractions, the "Death Proof" segment contains some (perhaps intentional) needlessly drawn out segments in which the viewer can safely take time to visit the loo.

The first opportunity to relax your straining bodily functions follows the introduction of the four gals at the beginning of "Death Proof". You don't need to rush but don't take too long because you don't want miss a second of Kurt Russell.

If your constitution is up to it, you can wait until after the hospital scene and the introduction of four more characters. Again, there's no rush, but don't waste time counting the bathroom tiles or waiting in line for more nachos and a soft pretzel.

Finally, unless you're a complete fanatic, there is no need to sit through the credits. There is no surprise at the end. If you've sat through the whole thing and really have to go, by all means get thee to the echo chamber make all the noise you need! It won't be any worse than anything you've just seen on the silver screen.

I waited through the credits, but I didn't pay close attention to anything but the music listings, so there might be some 'crazy credits' that I didn't catch.

Enjoy "Grindhouse"!!!

Disclaimer: I'm not obsessed with bodily functions but we've all been there and this is an exceptionally long film. I hope my tips will help you and yours get the most enjoyment possible from your viewing experience. G'day.

*wooby - synonym for security blanket, as used in the film "Mr. Mom" starring the best Batman ever, Michael Keaton.

2 comments:

Becca said...

GREAT movie. What suprised me most however was how half of the dumb people who went to see the flick left after Planet Terror apparently not realizing there was a whole other movie yet to come.

Bizarre.

BonK said...

Ha ha! :-D That is hilarious! I never considered that possibility.

I saw it at a sneak preview where, I imagine, everyone in attendance knew what they were in for. OTOH, in the fully packed house the two seats on the other side of my son were already empty during the initial dialog segment of "Death Proof," though I have no idea when that couple left.