9. Speed Racer - The Top 10 Everything of 2008 - TIME

9. Speed Racer - The Top 10 Everything of 2008 - TIME: "Speed Racer is the future of movies" - Richard Corliss
=======
Go, Speed Racer. Go!

Obsession? Perhaps.

I've only seen the movie twice (on opening weekend and again upon the DVD release).
I will absolutely be enjoying it again, many, many times.

"Speed Racer" was such a gem, and so poorly received, that I am determined to defend and recommend the film every time it comes up.

As for the ranking... I wonder where "The Dark Knight" is and why I've never heard of the movie at #10. I'd have to place "The Dark Knight" above "Speed Racer" on my movie list. Included would be "Kung Fu Panda", "WALL-E", and "Burn After Reading", but not in that particular order.

For the rest of TIME's Top 10 lists for 2008 visit:
http://www.time.com/time/specials/2008/top10/

What is it about automobile racing that I love so much?

I've never owned, built, or raced a real hot rod or a muscle car. I've never watched an entire Indy 500 and I've actually tried to avoid NASCAR.

My race influences are Hot Wheels, banana-seat bicycles, SSP Racers, slot cars, skate boards, Speed Racer, and an album of hot rod music that I've been unable to track down because I don't remember it's name or any of the songs or performers on it, but I remember the cover, and if I ever see it again, it's mine... it had the sounds of revving engines and other car sounds between the songs. Good stuff.

As I mull it over a bit, I'm beginning to realize there's a primal 'something' about racing. Quick and skillful mobility is probably our first greatest cumulative asset as human beings. When it comes to the fight or flight reaction, flight isn't much good if it's not successful, therefore, outrunning or outsmarting a predator is probably the handiest and oldest skill that we have, because such competitions were truly the difference between life and death.

Racing taps that primal instinct, turning it from life-and-death struggle into competitive entertainment and a display of prowess. In today's racing world, that prowess isn't limited to the speed and skill of the individual racers; it takes the skill of engineers, mechanics, pit bosses, and even the people behind the office desks to get into the winner's circle.

As ever, since prehistory up to the closed oval tracks of our present day, there's still the chance that something could go wrong; from an errant piece of timber tripping up the next meal of a sabre-toothed tiger to blown tires and pit delays; no matter how controlled the arrangement becomes, there's still the chance something could go wrong.

I've been looking forward to the upcoming Speed Racer film for some time. I haven't been this excited about a new movie since the original Star Wars first hit theaters.

I grew up playing with all sorts of toy cars but even as a small child I knew there were no better cars than Hot Wheels. Sure, Matchbox cars looked more realistic. But, realism is for replicas not for racing!

Another company once tried to knock Hot Wheels off the top spot with a brand called "Johnny Lightning". Johnny Lightning cars (JL, for short) were fast, and my brother had one that could beat some of my Hot Wheels, but there were a few problems with the line. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty certain that the 'lane' of a JL track was wider than that of a Hot Wheels track. I also remember two-lane track segments which were probably meant to speed up assembly time of dual straightaways for impatient kids, but that's beside the point. The wider lanes of JL track allowed them to make slightly wider cars, though they didn't always design their cars to 'fill' the lanes. If memory serves, most JL cars would not fit on Hot Wheels tracks and many Hot Wheels cars had too much room on a JL track, allowing them to bounce side to side. Naturally, bouncing side-to-side down a track isn't going to give you a good race.

My connection to facsimile racing is as old as I can remember. Even now, as an adult, when playing with tracks on the floor is too hard on my knees to consider doing, I still collect a few Hot Wheels cars. I'm no completist in this endeavor. I don't care about 'Treasure Hunt" cars or classic "Red Line" collector's items. I just want the cool cars.

I'll buy versions of real cars, I'll buy fantasy cars, I'll buy versions of customs and hot rods, even those silly blimps. I don't generally spend time playing with them though. As I said, the tracks and floor based play would be too tough on my knees. But thanks to modern electronics I have a compact and exhilarating alternative. Video games! I have a PS2 and a slew of original Playstation games including "Hot Wheels Turbo Racing" which features digital versions of some of the best Hot Wheels cars ever on digital tracks, performing jumps and loops and crazy stunts the way only Hot Wheels and Speed Racer ever could. Speed Racer and Hot Wheels are the perfect match of all perfect matches if there ever was a perfect match.

I also have a "Speed Racer" game made for the original Playstation, but frankly, that game sucks. Sure, you get all the Mach 5 gadgets and fitting courses on which to use them, but the courses are barely a worthy challenge. "Hot Wheels Turbo Racing" has thus far proven to be the ultimate in Speed Racer-esque craziness.


A close second to "Hot Wheels Turbo Racing" is the physics-defying wonder called "Beetle Adventure Racing" for the Nintendo 64. This game includes only the New Volkswagen Beetle in a variety of racing configurations that must be unlocked through gameplay. The tracks are crazy with jumps and hidden shortcuts and all the great race locales found in the Speed Racer cartoon... There's 'Coventry Cove', a peaceful and quaint village thrown into chaos by turbo VW Beetles roaring through the streets. 'Mount Mayhem' is an Alpine race setting with snow covered bridges and turns and a hidden ice cave containing a frozen UFO... there's an MIB black helicopter flying overhead to prove it! Next up is the exotic jungle island setting, the name of which I can't recall, featuring a hungry T-Rex, a watery beach, a hidden tiki village, and the caves around an erupting volcano waiting to swallow your car whole! 'Sahara Sands' is a desert level reminiscent of Egypt in which you have to avoid falling ruins, wind your way through ancient tombs, and try not to get stuck in the sand. If you've survived all that you get to a track called 'Metro Madness' which is a cityscape with highways, drainage ditches, warehouse districts, parking garages, and glittering skyscrapers to drive... through! But wait, there's more! There is a sort of haunted psychedelic track that I have yet to unlock. There are also at least three versions of the New Beetle I haven't acheived, yet. And still, there's more...

If you have a Nintendo 64 with "Beetle Adventure Racing" and 4 controllers, whip 'em out, hook 'em up, and call your friends over for an outrageous Beetle Battle! The Beetle Battles take place on one of six closed courses, Airport (basic driving with a few tricks, no planes), Parking Garage (speed and control are essential here, no parked cars), Lava Cave (concentration and control to avoid lava traps), Ice Flows (lots of sliding and jumping), Dirt Track Arena (my fave, learn the terrain!), and Medieval Castle (confusing and dark, makes me grumpy). The 4-way split screen view can be difficult to see on screens as large as 26 inches diagonal (4:3 ratio). 2-way battles are easier to see but not nearly as exciting. The goal for each level is to collect a full set of multicolored beetles then race to the finish. Naturally, it's not as easy as that. If you crash or suffer enough damage to make your car blow up you will lose collected beetles. To make matters worse, there are weapons and tricks available to thwart your enemies, and vice versa. If your cars' demise is the direct result of an enemy attack, that enemy steals a beetle away from you. It's not as insane as Super Smash Brothers but it's kinda like that, on wheels. Literally hours of fun, many times over. If you're an N64 owner, find this game. You won't regret it.

Action, competition, insane courses! Project Gotham Racing? Gran Turismo? Who needs 'em? With old-school treasures like "Hot Wheels Turbo Racing", "Beetle Adventure Racing", and "F-Zero"... let's not forget that SNES classic, who needs realism? ;-)

SPEED RACER - Setting the record straight

Speed Racer was the first glimpse of anime for most of us 'round eyes'. We were unaccustomed to this type of artwork and dialog, but I never thought about that. It was a cartoon about cool cars, it had relatable characters, and it had a monkey. What more does a little boy need for quality entertainment?

OK, Speed had a head-start in my cultural experience. Almost everything I liked involved cars in some way. Hot Wheels were indeed HOT and nothing was faster, except one car my brother had from Johnny Lightning, a competing toy race-car line. Speed Racer was and still is a great cartoon. If you didn't like it, that's fine. It simply wasn't your thing, but no matter how much you disliked it, it was far better than you remember. With a full-fledged family as the main characters there was a bridge of familiarity that made their world of insane racing and marvelous cars feel like it was just another day in the 'Brady' household.

The races took place in volcanoes, under water, in the desert, on tight-ropes, and often in the air for short spells. It's a fantasy racing world... exciting, dangerous, crazy, and ultimately ridiculous, but I learned that one monkey in the trunk of a car is more fun than a whole barrel of monkeys.

As a teen I sold off most of my Hot Wheels cars and tracks, but when I had a son there was an excuse to begin buying cars again. Alas, I hadn't considered that I grew up in a distinctly different setting than he, and cars just weren't going to be as cool for him as they had been for me. I grew up in a house with no carpeting.

NO carpet! Hardwood floors and tiles throughout made any room in the entire house a potential adventure speedway, whether we had those plastic orange tracks* or not! And our driveway was something of a secure area. We would spend hours drawing chalk roads and cities for our cars to inhabit. The driveway my son grew up with held 4 cars, max, and so was too crowded and close to the road to allow any lengthy playtime.

So, how does this all 'set the record straight' on Speed Racer? Well, Speed Racer is a fantasy world that related directly to one of our primary entertainment options, toy cars. Fights would break out over these cars, and occasionally they would be thrown as weapons... it was that important. Back then, before Star Wars, Transformers, and video games (two more things I enjoy), Speed Racer was the pinnacle of our car racing imaginations... and there wasn't a Mach 5 toy to be had, but we all wanted one. The Mach 5, like the TV Batmobile before it, became the ultimate driving machine at a time when we had only the vaguest idea what a driving machine was. So, here we are, 40-some years later, and I've finally got the greatest race car ever imagined in the form of the fastest toy cars ever made. Just what I've always wanted!

Counter-clockwise beginning in the lower left:
The red car is the Mach 4, possibly the car wrecked by Rex (get it?) Speed's missing brother.
The Mach 5 needs no introduction.
The Mach 6, star of the Speed Racer movie, appears here twice.
The dark purple car is the GRX, a car that has killed it's driver more than once.
And finally, #9, The Shooting Star, driven by the mysterious Racer X.

I still feel I haven't adequately 'set the record straight'. I'm experiencing B.A.D.D., Blogger Attention Deficit Disorder. These cars, as Hot Wheels, are a dream come true. As I've said before, every Hot Wheels kid wanted the Mach 5 and couldn't have it. Mattel created a copycat vehicle named "Second Wind" that was clearly meant to fill that gap, but without the tail-fins and that red and yellow 5 on the side it simply wasn't Speed Racer's car. It's the dream of owning that toy and racing it through the wild loops and jumps of a genuine Hot Wheels track that makes the Speed Racer movie such an exciting thing for me.

The Wachowski's didn't simply update an old cartoon and bring it to the big screen. They tapped into the childhood dreams of my generation! This movie puts that car on those tracks, all the while staying faithful to the history and fantasy of the cartoon, plus casting the whole thing into a future world where racing is everything, just like it was on my living room floor. The Wachowski's clearly shared this dream with me or knew very well someone who did.

And THAT, my friends, is setting the record straight, and why "Speed Racer" is the most exciting movie for me since the original "Star Wars". I'll be first in line to see this film!

*I've been remembering the tracks lately. [This post was started in the past but only posted today 4/23/08] Another post of mine, begun last night [4/22/08] and currently in draft, mentions Johnny Lightning tracks, which were red, perhaps with white stripes, and as I wrote the above bit about orange tracks I recalled the patriotic red, white, & blue Hot Wheels tracks released sometime around America's Bicentennial. Since then many colors of Hot Wheels track have been made.

What's a po' boy ta do?

[I began this post on Friday night~Saturday morning, January 25~26. Little did I know that a few short days later, Monday, January 28, 2008, would mark the 50th anniversary of LEGO. Thanks Google, and thanks LEGO!]
I'm in deep entertainment trouble this year. I'm already behind schedule, having missed "Cloverfield" on opening weekend. As a kid I always preferred monsters that were genuinely terrifying, like Godzilla and other giant Japanese monsters, or "Alien" and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Dracula, Frankenstein's monster, the Werewolf, the Mummy... they just never clicked with me. I suppose there are sub-genres within the horror movie genre and the more science-fiction type creatures appeal to me best. So, here I am trying to figure out how and when I'll be able to see Cloverfield, because you have to see a giant-monster movie on the big screen. It's a rule. But what lies in store for me when the summer movie frenzy begins?

I'm also looking forward to the "Speed Racer" movie, but, to further complicate matters, Variety is reporting that Warner Brothers has licensed $80M in deals for toys and product placements and two of my favorite toy lines of all time have deals to make Speed Racer products. LEGO has signed on to make at least four playsets and Hot Wheels, who've issued an unlicensed version of Speed Racer's car, the Mach 5, many times over (see below), has official authority to produce vehicles and a themed playset or track is also likely.

LEGO is the single greatest toy brand in all of history, IMHO.
According to Wikipedia, the company began making wooden toys in 1932 but they didn't take the name LEGO until 1934. They didn't start making plastic toys until 1947 and even then they didn't make building blocks. In 1949 they began making a type of interlocking building block modeled after those made by a British company called Kiddicraft. Over the years LEGO tried different kinds of plastics and different styles of bricks. Finally, in 1963 - just in time for my lifespan, they developed the LEGO System we all know and love. Bricks made in 1963 will still work with bricks made today!
At some point in recent history LEGO began licensing popular properties such as Jurassic Park, Spider-Man, Star Wars, Batman, Harry Potter, SpongeBob SquarePants, and now Indiana Jones! The combination of Star Wars and LEGO** bricks has turned out to be one of the best ideas since the plastic bricks themselves. And now, Speed Racer will be coming to LEGO*. Also, LEGO already makes Batman kits, but a new slate is due out for the release of "The Dark Knight", also this summer. LEGO sets are a bit on the pricey side. I hope I'll be able to take advantage of this rare opportunity for high quality authorized Speed Racer merchandise.

Speaking of "The Dark Knight", R.I.P. Heath Ledger.

Speaking of comic book characters, let's not forget movies for "Iron Man" and "The Incredible Hulk" are also due out this year, as well as"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" and "Hellboy 2". My favorite heroes merchandised into my favorite toy lines. I'm screwed all the way through Christmas when the reboot of "Star Trek" will finally hit theaters... and then... and then... and then, what? A remake of "The Sting" starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Emile Hirsch or "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" with Emile and Shia LeBeouf, or... nevermind, I'll stop. What else could there possibly be after a year like this? Perhaps new and original ideas will make a comeback. Meanwhile, I'll be over here reliving the very best parts of my childhood. :-)


*Someone has already built a Mach 5 using LEGO bricks. The pictures at this link are NOT from an official LEGO kit. They are samples of skilled brickwork by a talented fan.

**Let's not forget that LEGO and Star Wars have teamed up to release some of the best fun you can have with your favorite videogame systems! And, Indiana Jones appears in "LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga" as a teaser for the coming "LEGO Indiana Jones" videogames. AND, Speed Racer has had a videogame or two in the past so why not LEGO Speed Racer? AND, Hot Wheels is famous for videogame versions of their great cars and tracks, so why not a Hot Wheels Speed Racer videogame, or a Hot Wheels Dark Knight video game, OR a LEGO Hot Wheels team-up allowing us to build LEGO cars on those speedy Hot Wheels chassis? If I don't stop now I just might wet myself.